i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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