i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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