I am midnight drunk by noon
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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