i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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