Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
