About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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