Welp...herpes.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
