So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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