my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
