I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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