I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
