Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
