after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
