She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
