I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize