Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
