i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
