I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
