nut hugger
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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