Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
