I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize