If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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