Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can vaginas get frostbite?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
