literally had 100 drinks last night.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
