Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm like, not good at living.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
