he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
