When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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