eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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