He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
