Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
