uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
