so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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