So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
