Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize