could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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