During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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