I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
