and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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