I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
