I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
