She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
