This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
