he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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