pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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