i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
