It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
