I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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