bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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