Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
