five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
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Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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