Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
