we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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