my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i now understand why vodka
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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