the condom got lost in my hair
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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