the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
