i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
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Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
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You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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