Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
