Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
