I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
