The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
