My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I cut my penus on the lid.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
