I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
